Dealing with Difficult People

Today I attended a one day seminar, Dealing with Difficult People. Although having investigated "difficult" personalities in the past, especially "tanks," I thought it was time to have a refresher. I was expecting

• some strategies to help diffuse upset/irate library users
• remain calm: distance myself and keep my emotion in check
• return with a list of what to do and what not to do when dealing with a difficult patron

Instead, the seminar focused on the subtitle, How to communicate with tact and skill. The majority of the day was spent discussing the need to listen with your ears and eyes, and how to communicate to the different behavior styles.

The personality that can push my buttons: "get it right" behavior. These people seek perfection but nothing measures up. If they feel threatened, they will shut down. They are negative and complain using such statements as, "I have a bad feeling about this." They seem to forfeit any ability to think with agility and creativity and like rules. Very black and white thinkers.

I'm typically fine with the "get it done" people. Goodness knows, I like to achieve and get things done. Extreme get it done people can be problematic including the following:
Tanks -- one needs to stand your ground, and focus on the bottom line and look at the underlying problem
Snipers -- one needs to stop, look and rewind. How? Ask clarifying questions about their intent
Know-it-alls -- highly competent and knowledgeable people, but tend to be extremely controlling and have minimal tolerance for correction and differences in opinions. Their way is the right way -- the end. How to deal with them: know your stuff and be prepared.
Coping with excuse-makers and blamers: go over actions plans, document, document, document, and confront them when they don't do something.

We also discussed the people who need to get appreciation aka the entertainers. Typical behaviour with these people include the fact that they are focused on people, display creativity, warmth, charisma, and energy. They need to be recognized and applauded. They can communicate directly and elaborately. Their strengths include their fun loving attitude, caring about other people, persuasive, able to get their point across and are optimistic.

The fourth group, the Get Along People. They focus on people and want to get along. The need to be liked, get along, communicate indirectly and considerately. BUT they don't like making decisions, they tend to waste time, seem illogical and can be overly emotional.

Towards the end of the day, we discussed some conflict resolution using "I statements" instead of "You" e.g. don't say, "You made me feel..."

An excellent reminder: Know what you want when you deal with difficult people and to confront them (Stephen Covey)

This seminar also reminded me of other titles relating to today:
Now, find your strengths, by Buckingham
The instructor also suggested the author, Brian Tracy -- a guru for goal setting, personal success and he's Canadian!

In essence, the day stressed the need to know yourself, know your strengths, weaknesses, including your hot buttons, and modify your communication to meet the behaviour needs of others.